Stumping Office Seekers Sidelined by Soliloquious Senate Seat Simba.
New contender steps up for McGuire’s Senate Seat. (Satire)
Folks, do you know what’s wrong with politics these days? Sausage! We manufacture candidates like sausage, an endless chain of linked platitudes, slogans, signs, postcards, caps, t-shirts, stump speeches, and you name it. There is a whole industry set up to accommodate the packaging of your sausage—numerous companies geared to marketing your sausage, er… candidate.
All you need is a warm body with a pulse. If their eyes respond to light and they gurgle, special interest groups will gladly sign on and pay for the packaging before their best buy date expires.
You know I’m only half jesting here. Every cycle, carbon copy campaigns dish out the same cards and signs, the same litanies of talking points, and ultimately, the same results: spoiled sausage. The only winners are the print shops and consultant class.
These consultants, let’s call them repackagers, have their own manufactured scripts they sell to clients, litanies on manipulating an opponent’s record, and various playbooks on character assassinations. Should the client and opponent switch places in the next cycle, they buy the same playbook to use against the person who used it against them!
Every cycle, we end up in the same prefabricated contest that many people see as staged between the two Parties to keep us distracted. Cynical? Maybe. Justified? Pretty much.
Well, here we are, a few days from the Presidential election, and the same old characters are looking for a better-paying gig on our dime. They are kinda like recurring Covid.
Can the sausage machine be avoided?
Can we find a non-GMO (gimmicky manufactured operator) candidate? Can the country return to a primitive and honorable beginning of personal sacrifice for public service when career politicians were unknown and neighbors tapped one to serve? They did so back then from virtuous convictions. Rarely is it so today- as in John McGuire, who many implored to run for the 5th District Congressonal seat. Few in politics have that fortitude and prudence, and we will likely need that high standard to fill the 10th Senate seat.
That individual will need nine lives to survive many media assaults. They will need physical stamina to sidestep legislative traps and knock bad bills off the table, the ability to land on their feet when surprised by ideological questions designed to entrap them, the ability to climb above factions for solutions, to claw into the legislative process, and if embroiled in a scandal the ability to survive a steep fall, and that killer instinct when he spots rats. I needed to find someone with these qualities rather than merely claiming them.
But who will answer? As promised in the last post, it's time to let the cat out of the bag. Is it another polecat? A career politician? A handshaking hustler? A perpetual partisan? No, it’s Orange Cat Bad, and he has all the qualifications we seek!
But is announcing a run now a distraction in the final days of the Presidential election? Well, if Amanda Chase can raise money and Winsome Sears can stump, and Duane Adams can imply, then OCB can announce his bid to be the Lion of the State Senate!
OCB will release his platform and critique of the other candidates in the next post. In the meantime, he is busy picking out his purrsonna for postcards and signs and a website.
Next UP, OCB unveils his campaign slogan and purraphernalia and takes a swipe at the competition!
C’mon, you know you need a laugh right about now, given the political environment and what is at stake! In the meantime, don’t accept any tricks from costumed candidates!
Five & Dime VA/HCC is an opinion blog. I employ satire, commentary, and fact to entertain and convey my opinions on religious, cultural, and political issues.
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